Ladies,
I don't really know why but the past week has been extremely hard for me. It may be the seasonal change, or loneliness (dh only spent about 10 days home last month and will be gone all of this month); but I can't seem to crawl out of this funk. I think I'm just tired. Tired of fighting an invisible enemy. Part of me wants to give up and leave him and all of his issues behind. The other part wants to stand by his side no matter what and fight together. The problem is that he feels like he can deal with his problems on his own and just keep taking the pills. His health is continuing to fail. Taking care of his mom on top of the PTSD is taking it's toll.
Trust me, I am well aware of my blessings. When I read what many of you are going through, I feel guilty complaining. I know I'll snap out of this but right now the lights are kind of dim. This is the one place I can come and vent without feeling like I have to explain. There's a dark cloud over me that I can't seem to lift. I'm not hiding under the covers like I used to (thank goodness for therapy!!!). I go through the motions. But I just can't shake the blues. I don't take meds for depression. Maybe that's something I'll discuss at my therapy session this week. In the past, these episodes haven't lasted more than a couple of weeks. So we'll see.
I know I may not be making much sense, but it really helps just to type out these words and know that someone understands. Veteran's Day isn't helping. TV, radio, and internet are filled with reminders. Don't get me wrong, I wholeheartedly support all who have sacrificed so very much for our country. It's just that this day sends up all kinds of red flags for me.
To add to my worries, my sister (my only sibling) is legally blind from glaucoma. She's lost sight in one eye and has very little vision in the other. Things are not looking good for her prognosis and the doctors are afraid to operate for fear that the surgery could cause her to lose what sight she has left. Without the surgery she will definitely lose sight. It's just a matter of when. She lives alone and was laid off about three years ago just as her sight was getting really bad. Therefore, she has no medical coverage. She had a heart attack this past spring. Medicare paid those expenses but has denied her coverage as of September. We are in the process of fighting that. In the meantime, her meds are costing a LOT. Hopefully, Medicare will kick in and be retroactive. She gets SSI but it's not enough to cover living expenses
AND medical care. We're hopeful. Her daughter lives about an hour away and had been helping out a lot; but she just got a new job and can't spend as much time with her mom as she used to. So much of the stuff is falling on me. I'm more than happy to step in, it's just beginning to take it's toll. Actually, I think my sister is handling this whole thing better than I am. She's being a trooper.
I'm going to keep myself busy today. That always helps. Cooking is therapeutic for me. So I think I'll cook a big old Sunday dinner. Although I'm alone, one call to my ever-hungry 28 year old son will take care of that. One mention of food and he's in his car and on his way!!! I keep those Glad containers just for him when he comes over to eat and take home leftovers. I'm also going to spend some time taking in some sunlight. That can really help to boost the spirit.
As always, thanks for letting me vent. I feel a bit better already. Guess I just had to get some stuff out.
I don't really know why but the past week has been extremely hard for me. It may be the seasonal change, or loneliness (dh only spent about 10 days home last month and will be gone all of this month); but I can't seem to crawl out of this funk. I think I'm just tired. Tired of fighting an invisible enemy. Part of me wants to give up and leave him and all of his issues behind. The other part wants to stand by his side no matter what and fight together. The problem is that he feels like he can deal with his problems on his own and just keep taking the pills. His health is continuing to fail. Taking care of his mom on top of the PTSD is taking it's toll.
Trust me, I am well aware of my blessings. When I read what many of you are going through, I feel guilty complaining. I know I'll snap out of this but right now the lights are kind of dim. This is the one place I can come and vent without feeling like I have to explain. There's a dark cloud over me that I can't seem to lift. I'm not hiding under the covers like I used to (thank goodness for therapy!!!). I go through the motions. But I just can't shake the blues. I don't take meds for depression. Maybe that's something I'll discuss at my therapy session this week. In the past, these episodes haven't lasted more than a couple of weeks. So we'll see.
I know I may not be making much sense, but it really helps just to type out these words and know that someone understands. Veteran's Day isn't helping. TV, radio, and internet are filled with reminders. Don't get me wrong, I wholeheartedly support all who have sacrificed so very much for our country. It's just that this day sends up all kinds of red flags for me.
To add to my worries, my sister (my only sibling) is legally blind from glaucoma. She's lost sight in one eye and has very little vision in the other. Things are not looking good for her prognosis and the doctors are afraid to operate for fear that the surgery could cause her to lose what sight she has left. Without the surgery she will definitely lose sight. It's just a matter of when. She lives alone and was laid off about three years ago just as her sight was getting really bad. Therefore, she has no medical coverage. She had a heart attack this past spring. Medicare paid those expenses but has denied her coverage as of September. We are in the process of fighting that. In the meantime, her meds are costing a LOT. Hopefully, Medicare will kick in and be retroactive. She gets SSI but it's not enough to cover living expenses
AND medical care. We're hopeful. Her daughter lives about an hour away and had been helping out a lot; but she just got a new job and can't spend as much time with her mom as she used to. So much of the stuff is falling on me. I'm more than happy to step in, it's just beginning to take it's toll. Actually, I think my sister is handling this whole thing better than I am. She's being a trooper.
I'm going to keep myself busy today. That always helps. Cooking is therapeutic for me. So I think I'll cook a big old Sunday dinner. Although I'm alone, one call to my ever-hungry 28 year old son will take care of that. One mention of food and he's in his car and on his way!!! I keep those Glad containers just for him when he comes over to eat and take home leftovers. I'm also going to spend some time taking in some sunlight. That can really help to boost the spirit.
As always, thanks for letting me vent. I feel a bit better already. Guess I just had to get some stuff out.





