I want to thank you for all your help in the last years. You supported me when I was in panic and fear. You helped me see that I have to have my own life. I have grown and become sronger. I know now I can live on my own.
The years 2007 till10 were extremely difficult years for me. You gave me the feeling and the fact that I am not alone, there are others who have the same problems. This was such a relief. I listened and learned from you all.
I have decided to live and learn with my d/h. It has worked out well. He doesn't run away anymore. He still needs to be away but in a more open way. I know now where he is and he calls and I can reach him most of the times. I still have this fear he might abandon me but I try to let the past not decide the future or today.
You were there and wrote to me - letters I have honered and read over and over again. I observed all the other ones who had similar problems and learned from what they did or didn't do. I saw how difficult seperation was for others too and got the strength to stay and change IN the realtionship. My change has helped my d/h too. It seems to give him support. I am no doormat anymore. I am a woman he doesn't want to loose, I know that - he knows that.
Often I still believe I have to be at home so that he won't fall back into his old behavior. But that is keeping myself in a prison although the door is wide open. I travel a bit on my own or meet with a friend, slowly it will be more.
I haven't been on this site so often since it changed zo Yuku but I know you were there!
I send my love and compassion for all women who are liveng with ptsd.