Last night we went on our 2nd date in the 18 months since we've been here in western NC. YEY! While we were chatting after dinner (happy and relaxed - timing is everything) I told him about this site and how much it was helping me. Told him some of the quirky things we all find we have in common. Planted the seed to get Patience's books. He was really open about his PTSD. He asked if many of the vets were Iraqi vets. I said it was my impression that there were more Vietnam vetwives active on the site than any other war, or at least they had been active for longer. Am I right about that? I need a cheatsheet!
Anyway, his point was that it took him 10 years to realize that anything was "wrong" or different. He served in Panama, Haiti and Somalia in the early 90s in the infantry. So its now been 16 years since the last of his combat, 10 years since he met me. He thinks that the Vietnam vets have had enough time to start to get a handle on their PTSD, or at least to admit that its there and start talking about it. But in his personal experience there is like this zombie zone that exists for a long, long time before a veteran is ready for help.
I think that scenario is different for women that know their husbands before they are deployed. Mine refused to get married until he finished his service (the Army reserved my husband for me, I guess I can thank them for that). A woman who can see the difference can hopefully try to take action before 10,20,30 years have passed. But its hard because the action has to ultimately come from the veterans, not their wives. So for all the wives that are struggling with Iraq/Afghanistan vets, just remember that its going to take time - a LOT of time - for them to be ready for healing.





