We go to the VA next week, so far the VAMC has not canceled his appointment, just moved the time. We've made trips all the way there only to be told so & so called in sick and the appointment was changed to a later date. It does not happen often. But when it occurs in the winter, when the passes are treacherous, it goes beyond aggravating. I will be so glad when this chapter of proving a higher SC rating for PTSD is closed. We can then focus on the medical problems which seem to be cropping up more and more. The issues with his kidneys, then his heart are concerning. I just wish it was only a mental health issue, we could then monitor things and hopefully keep those other common side effects at bay - We just learned one of his meds leads to Diabetes- thankfully they stopped that one last month. This time of the year is always bad as its the time of the season when most of his trauma happened. Why he continues to make the connection is beyond me - unless they actively celebrated Easter and Mother's Day aboard ship as he was in the tropics/sub-tropics most of the time. I always notice an increase in his depression and an upswing in his anxiety. Such a roller coaster ride. I forgot - the April 15 th TAX day also triggers - basically, any well known event that happens in April and May brings this sullen mood on. He plummets again big time in September but no one has figured out what brings that one on as there's no major holiday other than Labor Day. While the rest of us are cheering up, kicking it into high gear because its finally Spring - he is down in the dumps and there's little I or anyone else can do - just let it pass. He cries for days and lashes out at EVERYONE. So much for this being 'SAD' - heck,we've had one of the best winters ever. I learned long ago to not push him, just make the options available to leave the house and hope he does. There were times in the past when he closed the bedroom door and would not emerge for days, I'd walk in to check on him and find him weeping - when I asked if there was anything I could do - make him something to eat, rent a good movie.... he always said no, then asked softly if I thought he would ever get any better. His doctors would prescribe more medication, toss out more diagnosis - like SAD - Bi-Polar - then add twists on to those diagnosis trying to taylor it to fit his symptoms. I finally had to admit more than once that I was helpless in reaching him and could only sit by silently and make it clear I was not going to leave. Did a lot of reading back then during those dark days. Whewwww - thankfully it has grown better, as we finally know what is to blame. But each time he slips into this blue mood I cringe. I never, ever, want to see him that bad again - so depressed he could not even roll over in bed and it was beautiful, glorious, Spring Day outside! In few more weeks Summer will ease in and replace the fickle Spring, and God willing this slippery sloped depression that visits him will vanish as well. At least we have now given it a name and a face that announces its arrival PTSD... and that eases some of the pain and I don't feel so helpless.
This long wait has become so darn frustrating, we have done everything asked, given the required medical evidence, connected the dots as asked by the VA ...but still we wait and it is going on four years now. The nay sayers are using this wait to claim he is a fake and that brings with it its own pain. The lingering toying with his mind as the VA detemines what to do next is taking its toll. I have not told him about the what some have said where I originally sought advise, especially those who should be giving support as his plate is so darn full right now. There just seems to be this strong atmosphere that SC belongs only to certain individuals and they become almost off balanced in protecting their view - forgetting this is a fellow vet now struggling with life. I know, personally, that PTSD takes many routes which can eventually destroy the human soul if allowed to. As my mother once told me - "There's Five good roads leading into San Antonio, and to those who died at the Alamo it didn't matter which one they took... its just some paths were a little less bumpy and bit slower in getting there.
Thanks for letting me express myself... its Spring...and I need to keep myself occupied, while this mood of his passes.
This long wait has become so darn frustrating, we have done everything asked, given the required medical evidence, connected the dots as asked by the VA ...but still we wait and it is going on four years now. The nay sayers are using this wait to claim he is a fake and that brings with it its own pain. The lingering toying with his mind as the VA detemines what to do next is taking its toll. I have not told him about the what some have said where I originally sought advise, especially those who should be giving support as his plate is so darn full right now. There just seems to be this strong atmosphere that SC belongs only to certain individuals and they become almost off balanced in protecting their view - forgetting this is a fellow vet now struggling with life. I know, personally, that PTSD takes many routes which can eventually destroy the human soul if allowed to. As my mother once told me - "There's Five good roads leading into San Antonio, and to those who died at the Alamo it didn't matter which one they took... its just some paths were a little less bumpy and bit slower in getting there.
Thanks for letting me express myself... its Spring...and I need to keep myself occupied, while this mood of his passes.





