Wow Alica you are exactly where I was 2 years ago. Ex came back from Iraq. Everything was wonderful. One day he wakes up and decides he doesn't love me anymore and we should seperate, he threatens to move out of the house, then BAM one day he calls, says he got an apt and I can figure out how to pay the rent on our condo on my own.

Here's what I did: I fought him on it for 2 years. And it almost ruined me. I lost myself, I did things I will always be embarassed about and regret. I found myself in financial ruin, homeless, living with one of his relatives, went back to him when he got a little better, invested my heart AGAIN, changed my life AGAIN, only to have him do something so terrible I can't even ever think of going back.

Here's what I would do today: my behind would still be in that apt. and i'd make him pay his fair share of the rent even if he didn't live there. We weren't married, so it would be harder for me to do, but in my state you can get spousal support if you've held yourself out to be a married couple - which he did all the time (when it worked to his favor) :) So I would have sued his behind for spousal maintenance (prob. wouldn';t have won but at least i had it on record that i'm worth something!). I'm really bitter so take what I say with a grain of salt. LOL.

For now I think you should stay put, leave him be. You can't force him to stay - you can only make a fool of yourself trying. My guess is he'll come back. But in the time being you HAVE to focus on you. Forget his counselor - she can't talk to hyou anyway. Go get your own counselor. Find someone who specalizes in domestic abuse (they usually have a handle on ptsd as well). Get yourself OUT of that house every single time you find yourself pacing, wondering when he's coming home, obsesively watching the phone, waiting for him to tell you where your life is going - DO NOT DO THAT. Just leave the house - call a gf and go for a walk, go to the library, go grocery shopping, go pay bills, do whatever it takes to get your mind off it. Its not his job (or anyone elses) to tell you where YOUR life is heading. Getting away from it will help you regain control.

The best thing i did other than this site was alanon (alanon works for ptsd - just replace "alcoholic" with "ptsd sufferor"). It really helped me realize that my ex's running (that's what I call the push/pull) is a form of control on his part, he was pulling my strings, and i was letting him do it. I was enabling his bad behaviors with my reactions. And I was LOSING myself every day, another part of marisa disappearing. I'm back now - but it was a LONG HARD road back. Don't let him do it to you!!!!

Oh girl I'm huging you! I know how you're feeling. I'd give anything to prevent this hurt for you!!!

Only 2 defining forces have ever offered to die for you....Jesus Christ and the American Soldier. One died for your soul, the other for your freedom.