Oh and I want to add. As painful to children as divorce can be, its not about them. Its between the parents. To take on the burden of a parents failed relationship and carry it over to the "second" wife, has got to be considered a boundary violation, right?

And like Nakiea said you are his wife. The second part is bull$hit. I am a second wife to my dh. That doesn't mean I am any less, it actually means I am more. I am his present..nicely put Nakiea :)

Bee, I imagine you handled it well, You seem to be grace under fire when it comes to those kids. Don't give her any more ammo than she already has. Heres a quote that might fit:

"For those who understand, no explanation is needed. For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible."