"it seemed to come back to how i need to change in non specific ways."

Nakiea hit the nail on the head! For years my DH would blame me for so much of his unhappiness, and I bought into it. It's so easy to become demoralized when you are constantly being told that "you" need to change and the other person takes no responsibility whatsoever for their part of the relationship.

No one person can be 100% responsible for a relationship being good or bad.Today, when DH says that I should change this or that, I tell him, "I'll work on me and you work on you". Actually my favorite is something my mother used to say, "Don't sweep in front of my door before you've swept in front of your own door."