Before therapy, my dh had me convinced that I had spent all these years dedicated to changing him into something he wasn't. I assure you that was NEVER my intention. In fact, I liked the man I married. I had no reason to want to change him. What he is JUST beginning to realize is that HE changed and I spent years trying to live in "his world." To his credit, he has apologized over and over. Don't get me wrong. I have certainly made my share of mistakes, big ones. But one thing I absolutely had no interest in was changing my husband. I was naive enough to believe that we grow and change together not just as husband and wife, but as the friends we had always been. I have learned through my therapy to mourn what has been lost and am trying to adjust to life as it has become.

The hard part is not allowing myself to feed into his negativity. Sometimes it almost consumes me. Those are the times when I know I have to separate myself from him. Thank God for good friends, family, and this site. But it's still incredibly lonely at times. I miss my best buddy. I miss the laughter. I miss the support. Every once in a while I catch a glimpse of that part of him; and I relish in it. Those times make the rough days bearable.