Hollywood, please know you and your DH are going to be in my thoughts and prayers today! I am not a churchgoer BUT I do definitely believe in God and I do think he hears me!
I spoke to the Clinician I sometimes talk to last night and he said as he usually does that I am in a dilemma and no matter whether I stay or go I will not be at peace! What is that song and how does it go-------"I'm caught in a trap and I can't get out, because I love (care) for you too much baby" "Why can't you see what it is doing to me?"
I often think if I was more out of it, it would be easier BUT I am sharp, logical and rational------all of which he is no longer!
I have seen the knee shaking BUT only when sitting and that along with the nail biting drives me up the wall and then some! It is so very hard to look at this man and try to picture him as he once was! You see I did not know him then and I think it must be even harder for you who knew them back then to see them now! They seem to be old beyond their years and I find myself so very sad not only for him BUT for myself, also!
Why do we all stay? I don't know! Maybe, because we know they need us and deserve to be loved and taken care of BECAUSE they gave so much and deep inside they are still the man they were who was so carelessly taken and molded only to be destroyed!
The holidays are a rough time for all of us------not only for them BUT many of us have our own baggage which we have struggled to put behind us BUT find it surfacing when dealing with Mr. PTSD!
Ladies, please know although I feel I have more in common with some, my thoughts are with all of you as we all do share that mutual bond!