Why do we do what we do? It must be a question we ask ourselves over and over. Yellowrose, I'm sorry you're having a hard time. I find myself feeling like I have totally lost myself. I had dinner with a friend last night and she said do you even have a life? Well not when you live with PTSD. And I can totally relate to being a care giver. Sometimes I ask myself how I do this… being a fulltime care giver for my Mom and trying to keep DH sane. A friend told me that for every year you're a caregiver for someone, it takes 6 years off your life.

I received an e-mail from the counselor asking if I liked the news article. I wrote back that I thought it was awesome and that Nancy had done a good job telling my story for me.  I wish someone had told how PTSD really is a lonely life, how it turns friends away because they can never understand how anyone could live with someone who acts like my DH, and how it causes Christians to forget how to pray ... when I asked for prayers, they suddenly forgot to ask about DH, much less say I'm praying for you.

Today DH has his Social Security hearing... Please send me any happy thoughts, prayers, or whatever you might for today. We met with the attorney yesterday and his knees were
shaking so bad, that I felt the building might start shaking any minute. I don't know how he is going to make it through the hearing, but hopefully he will. Surely they can see this man could never hold a job of any kind.

And Wyander it is so very hard not to be angry. I find myself mad at DH, mad at the situation, mad at myself for being so stupid for so many years, mad that I didn't demand he seek treatment years ago, mad at myself that I didn't know there was treatment out there for him, mad that the Vietnam War ever existed, and just mad that this gosh awful thing called PTSD entered my life and totally turned it for a flip.

I hope all you ladies have a happy day. Stay strong... and come here to vent... It does help.

I don't always reply to posts, mostly because I don't know what to say, but I do read them all.

Hollywood


I forgive myself for having believed for so long that...
I was never good enough to have, get, be what I wanted.

Ceanne DeRohan