I wasn't going to respond to this post until I read what Rach posted. I truly struggle with Veterans Day. My dh has never seemed distressed around this day. He usually spends the day calling his friends who are veterans. In fact, he seems to be rather upbeat. As I've often said, he is a master at hiding his feelings if he thinks it will bring us down. My struggle is that when I think of anything even remotely connected with the Marine Corps or the military, my first feelings are anger and resentment for the damage that was done to someone I so dearly love. That in no way means that I don't honor and respect him for his service. Far from it.

It's just that for me, this day is like salt in an open wound. Today for the first time in all of these years, I talked with him about it. I promised him that I will work hard on changing the way I look at things. I am a firm believer that when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. I can't change the past and the damage done by Viet Nam. I can only try to find a way to move forward with a positive attitude. Anger, resentment and hatred only breed more of the same. He deserves better and so do I. I was fearful of having that conversation with him, especially today. My first thought was to wait until tomorrow; but my gut told me to go ahead and talk with him. To my surprise, he understood and assured me that he didn't feel that I had dishonored him. I'm going to be with him next week and we will spend some time talking about it more when we can communicate face to face. I intend to keep my promise to change my outlook.

I watched the documentary on Nam on the history channel. It was hard. Really hard to watch. But I know that's a part of changing my perspective. Thank God I have this site to vent. I hope you will understand my feelings and not think less of me. This is the one place I feel I can express myself without being judged. We never know how our words effect others. Rach's comments gave me the courage to speak my mind. Thank you.