Well it's already started at my house.  He's not very good tonight.. was in bed by 7:30.   Today was group for him.. his homework was to make a memorial.   I helped him ....  he found a very flat rock in the creek.  I took a gold sharpie and wrote the name of my Mother's best friend's son who was killed in Vietnam, rank, date of birth and date of death.   I sent copies of Nakiea's poem  and a copy of a special Marine poem for the two Marines in his group.  All he said this evening was he did not like doing the memorial thing, that it was very hard.  I have the day off tomorrow.. I almost wish I had to work...  If he's in a funk tomorrow, which I'm sure he will be... I'm going shopping and getting a pedicure. 

I had dinner with a friend last night... I always feel guilty.. Does anyone else go thru the guilt feelings.  She asked how he was doing.  I said some better but still not good.  Of course we all know if you don't live it or live with it you don't understand.  She said I can't believe he just can't get over it.  After all these years, do you really think it bothers him.  I wanted to say Hell yes I do believe it does bother him... but I remained calm and said it's very sad for anyone to have to live with it every day.  Then she said why don't you leave him.  So I'm a strong woman and just let it roll off my shoulders and thought to myself how do I expect her to even begin to understand this thing called PTSD.  One of the guys that works for me is a Gulf War Veteran.  I asked my team to all find a nice Veteran's Day card and mail it to him.  Now my staff is young.. 22 to about 27... They looked at me like I had three eyes.  I was a little ticked, but I sent him a card.. and I don't think a one of them even bothered to say thank you.  Of course I look back at my early 20's and even being married to a Vietnam Veteran, I was probably just as oblivious to war.

I  bought dh a nice veteran's day card.  I'm almost scared to give it to him..

I hope you all are blessed tomorrow with a wonderful day without any signs of MR. PTSD.

Hollywood

I forgive myself for having believed for so long that...
I was never good enough to have, get, be what I wanted.

Ceanne DeRohan