I so understand your frustration! I think it is transference. My Dh used to always accuse me of the very things that he did. He also insisted on keeping everything separate, in his mind though when it came to money what was his was his and what was mine was ours. I owned the house long before we got together, but when we separated and I sold it, you can be sure he claimed his share of community property. We did split up (separated, not divorced...long story) after I found out he was having an affair. If he had shown true remorse and a real desire to put things back together I probably would have given it another try, but instead he went on to blame the affair on me. It wasn't until only days before we had to be out of the house that he decided he had made a big mistake. I did not believe that to be anything other than fear of change. He has gone back to being all about himself and doesn't have much to do with our son (never really did when we were together). In my case I know now that I stayed too long, I just kept remaining hopeful that things would get better. I know that things can work out with some Dh's, but they have to really want changes and be willing to do the work (at least most of the time). My Dh wanted everything to stay the same as it had always been and that was so far from enough for me. I wish you all the best in your struggles and hope you make the decision that is right for you and your family.